What balance is there between the spontaneous and the structured? I fear the leaning of either too far and thus completely neglecting the other. The spontaneous seems to arrive like a distant relative, eccentric and disheveled. Does structure, in vain, try to cover this bursting thought with a sport coat in order for the intensity to find some reservations to please an audience that only wears sport coats? Likewise, does the lack of discipline and fear of disrupting the original intent cause fine poetry from the elegance its deserved? This balance seems (to me) to swing so dangerously between a genuine uniqueness and an unrepairable confusion.
With that said, I have posted two poems. Neither have been the product of much thought nor energy which causes me to ask the questions of the previous paragraph.
Poem #1
The tractor sleeps where it died
A silent hand casts a shadow of different shapes
Husks outnumber, yet defeated by their monotony
The farmer sleeps where he lies
His wife lies the length of the field
Her hair mixes with sheaths
And I am left with only errant hands
Running up and down this cathedral
Outrunning my own darkened shape
We sleep where we died
A silent hand casts one kingdom into another
The night belongs to the polecat
Poem#2
Time, as now, is not the architect
of the lasting city
Time, as gone, what waste of language
except in the shape of warnings
and warnings and further warnings.
The shape of time is a circuit
patulous and fixed
The pattern, free and vulnerable.
Man, in the shape of an impression
competes with the Strong Man
or so the generations argue.
But the Psalmist motions to the Choir, in time gone
They hear tambourines and strings, in time now
Sleep has no waylaying prigs .
The sleeping Choir, in time always, understands
the shape of the Strong Man
That which has shape, is in time now
For the Strong Man himself has shape
And likewise the man that breathes
And takes another's breath;
All angels of all orders and orderly fashion
All pigs that root and all pigs that fly.
All have shape.
Their corpses had shape.
Judgment has shape.
As does mercy.
Maybe there is no point in trying to balance spontaneity and structure? The warring between the two gives way to exactly what needs to emerge.
ReplyDeleteI'm at a loss when it comes to poetry, so forgive me for any silly remarks. But I find myself drawn to the first poem here. Especially the lines "Husks outnumber, yet defeated by their monotony" and "Her hair mixes with the sheaths" -- makes me think of personal experience, but also the world's as a whole. How many times have the masses been ruled by the few because of solidarity, conformity, blind unity, "monotony"...?
Like I said, don't mind my odd thoughts and ramblings. :) Thanks for starting this blog, guys.
First off, let me say "thank you" for putting all of this together. Secondly, the site's main picture is fantastic! Perfect. I like the fact that there is only one tree with foliage centered amongst a slew of bare ones. Was that intentional?
ReplyDeleteI love your poetry. I wish I could comment more on how completely baffled I am when I read them, but I'm at a loss for words really. Your writing always seems as if you tapped in to the wisdom of a realm I've never been able to grasp. Which isn't a bad thing. I know this comment isn't constructive in the least, my apologies. Thanks again for putting the site together :)
that was great stuff Trav' not sure what it means but it sounds cool. Thanks for starting this blog!!!
ReplyDeletePoem #2
ReplyDeleteDoes the sleeping choir understand the impression of Man? Why only Strong Man?
Does the sleeping choir understand because everything is clear in hindsight?
The last stanza contradicts the second in regards to Man, who, in the second stanza is an impression, but in the last, takes on shape. Is this intentional? Or is the last stanza referring to a different "man?" In the second stanza you contrast Man with Strong Man, then later you assimilate them. Then, going back to the second stanza, it's almost as if Man becomes only history while Strong Man continues onward. Is Man the one who does not receive the gift of eternal life? Is Strong Man the one who does?
I do not understand what message is trying to be conveyed. Is this one of hope? Or merely establishing the existence of man/angels/God outside of time?
The last two lines are compelling, but I do not understand how they correlate with the rest, unless the Psalmist is God, and the Choir is Jesus.
Why the pigs? Are they substancial in symbolizing lowliness, or are they suggested for their dirt and their fairytale qualities (flying pigs).
Or is this a poem about Cincinnati?
These are my thoughts. I'm shredding the poem to bits. Don't mind me and my scissors, but feel the impulse to answer.
Thanks for starting this blog. Are you going to reply to everyone’s comments? :)
ReplyDeletePoem #1
Your sporadic use of punctuation makes it a little difficult for me to interpret some of the lines. For example, I can't decide whether or not there should be a period after 'monotony', but I prefer it without a stop or a pause there so it blends with the next line and I'm pretending there is a period after "lies." I also like this as all one line: "And I am left with only errant hands running up and down this cathedral." I’m not sure if that is how you meant it, but that is how I choose to read it. I have questions about the last line. At first I was thinking it didn't even go there, because the rest of the poem is about people and farms and silence, and then the last line was just about a skunk. But then I looked up ‘polecat’ and saw that it is actually an animal and that the word polecat is only a colloquialism of skunk. Oh, and also ‘polecat’ is sometimes slang for linemen who work on telephone or power lines, which, if that is what you meant by it, works as a symbol of progress invading even in rural areas.
Poem #2
Chip has already posed a lot of questions, so I will just leave a couple of opinions. I really like the phrasing (and the more frequent use of punctuation). I love the first line and the last two sentences. I especially love the last two sentences.
In regards to the Poem #1, it was intended to have an abrasive cadence, each line independent but yet at the same time leading to the next (i think), the last line was in reference to a skunk, the idea was to contrast the stability of the animal kingdom versus the instability of human life, the skunk wins because it is the only one actually living, everyone has fallen asleep (a state of complacency)
ReplyDeleteIn regards to Poem #2, the strong man is a reference to Christ, the sleeping choir is the great cloud of witnesses (as stated in Hebrews), I'm not sure what else to say about that, thanks to everyone for their comments, a new literary post is coming.......